Too Sick To Be Afraid.

6th April 2011

Too Sick To Be Afraid.

My heart stood still and said to me “It’s too late to be afraid”.

I stood,
Naked to the light,
Waiting to begin,
Just like a thousand other nights.

There had been work nights,
There had been close times,
Fun times,
Junk times,
And in those moments my life never failed me,
As my will is stronger than my flesh,
If it can destroy you,
It can save you too.

You are ignorant of all it takes for me to stand here,
The hate that I have for you talkers,
You glass tappers,
Sing-alongers,
Foot-pounders,
The eager,
The bored,
The hip,
The square,
All those that paid money and expect value in return,
I gave you a vision once,
And you expect me to have it still like a birth-mark,
Or a scar,
I’m a victim of my past.

I’m here,
I utter my truth in half-dark,
In the thronged rooms where everyone’s breath tastes of cigarettes and alcohol,
Where people leave the day behind them at the door,
I stand with you,
Sensation hunters,
Impervious to shame or pride,
I’ll sing all day as if my life had betrayed me somewhere somehow.

The truth belongs to no-one,
Okay. So. I. Am. Beat.
I’m not sure I can believe in it all,
Believe in it enough to continue,
A wave of hopelessness has flooded me,
There seems to be a growing, baffling, emptiness inside of me.

Now,
I look out,
Over a wall of weakness and pain,
And fantasy showers my past,
It will separate us forever,
As only knowledge can,
My pride has nothing left to wound but myself.

I’m too old to walk away,
Too drunk to make it,
Too sick to be afraid.

Tagged: poetry poem